All About Me :)

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I was born in Sitka, Alaska in 1983. My parents divorced when I was 5, and I spent my childhood and teens moving back and forth between parents. So, I grew up in Anchorage, Sitka, and Juneau. But, I call Sitka home. I graduated in 2000. I should have gone to college - but didn't. I met my husband in 2002, let him marry me in 2003 :), and had a daughter with him in 2004. She is the pure JOY in our lives. My husband is AD in the United States Coast Guard. This means that life is never boring, and if it is- hey! we get to move every 3 or 4 years. He is currently a DC (Damage Controlman) 2nd class - working on making 1st class. You can also find me on

24 November, 2008


I swear. I'm gonna DIE if we don't get orders soon.


I want/need out of this place.

19 November, 2008

For Those Who Don't Know What To Say...

If you are reading this on behalf of someone else who has miscarried, here is some advice on how to help them.
  • Do let your genuine concern and caring show.
  • Do be available... to listen or to help with whatever seems needed at the time.
  • Do say you are sorry about what has happened and about their pain.
  • Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
  • Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and not to expect too much of themselves, nor to impose any 'shoulds' on themselves.
  • Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
  • Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it wasn't their fault.
  • Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
  • Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends may add pain to an already painful experience.
  • Don't say that you know how they feel (unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then you can be particularly supportive).
  • Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgment about their feelings.
  • Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
  • Don't change the subject when they mention their loss.
  • Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
  • Don't try to find something positive about the loss (eg. a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc).
  • Don't point out that at least they have their other....
  • Don't say that they can always have another.... (they wanted this one).
  • Don't say that they should be grateful for....
  • Don't make comments which in any way suggest that the loss was their fault (there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).

11 November, 2008


I know a lot of you that read here are CC'ers.
I don't really feel like... making a whole new post here - so I'm putting the link here for you to follow and be able to read.


06 November, 2008


I'm posting with symbols, because I can't possibly think of proper titles for any of this.

I went in today for another Beta draw, my # is 24. It's tanked from 140 to 24 so fast...
so fast...

In talking with the nurse at the Ob clinic in Cleveland, she feels Dr.Blackwood (my OB) will more than likely feel that sending me to see the specialist in Memphis would be best for me.

I'm still undecided if I want to go. We don't have much longer here, and I don't want to get halfway through the process, and then up and leave.
I try to think of what might be going on that's causing all of my losses - but it leads me back to, if anything is wrong, why was I able to carry to term (ok, ok, 3 weeks shy of term) a healthy baby girl, with no "defects" and no treatment or assistance? If anyone has any ideas on that, feel free to share.. cause I can't figure it out.

04 November, 2008


Last night I had some awful cramping and went to the ER. I wasn't bleeding at the time I got there, but started not too soon afterwards.
My BETA level from their blood draw was 140. I'm going back in Thursday morning to see if the level is rising, or falling.

I'm certain I've miscarried again .. as I've lost a lot of my pregnancy symptoms.

To my friends:
Please don't take it personal if I don't take phone calls, or answer texts. I know you all love me and are being supportive - but mentally I'm just not in a spot to.... do much of anything really. Please, please don't take it personally.