All About Me :)

My photo
I was born in Sitka, Alaska in 1983. My parents divorced when I was 5, and I spent my childhood and teens moving back and forth between parents. So, I grew up in Anchorage, Sitka, and Juneau. But, I call Sitka home. I graduated in 2000. I should have gone to college - but didn't. I met my husband in 2002, let him marry me in 2003 :), and had a daughter with him in 2004. She is the pure JOY in our lives. My husband is AD in the United States Coast Guard. This means that life is never boring, and if it is- hey! we get to move every 3 or 4 years. He is currently a DC (Damage Controlman) 2nd class - working on making 1st class. You can also find me on

24 May, 2008


Everyone is pregnant but me.
Everyone else gets pregnant 48 hours after they delivered their last fucking kid.
Everyone else gets pregnant "just by laying in bed next to a male"
Everyone else's kids have siblings.
Everyone else just gets pregnant, and has a baby. No m/c's involved. It's as easy as that. "Hi, I'm ___ and I'm pregnant!" and then 9 months later "Hi! This is my baby".
Then, next month, they get knocked up and do it all over again.

This is how I feel today. I know it isn't true, but today - it feels like it is.

18 May, 2008


My bean isn't going to make it. Will update later...

17 May, 2008

Little Scared

This will be a short post, I just need to get it out.

I don't feel pregnant.


I woke up this morning, and my breasts weren't sore anymore, the thought of smoking didn't sound disgusting, and... well, I just don't feel pregnant anymore.
I think as of today I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. My first OB appointment is on the 20th. Which is this Tuesday.
I really don't have a choice other than to just... wait patiently until Tuesday rolls around. I'm a really impatient person when it comes to things like that, so this is going to be hard.
DH is telling me not to worry, that maybe I'm just getting a little relief from my symptoms. I'd like to believe him and I know he's trying to help. But, I'm still really scared here.
We've already told a few people, and... it really, really sucks to have to "un-tell" people.

16 May, 2008


I have a secret.

13 May, 2008

I Hate Waiting

My mother freaked me out with a story about my aunt and an ectopic pregnancy that she nearly died from last night while I was telling her about my negative tests, and lack of AF.
So, I made an appointment with the clinic and saw the NP there.
We did a pee test (neg, just like my home tests), and she also did a blood draw. The results from the blood draw will be in by Friday.
I hate waiting.

I don't feel pregnant. I have sore breasts, which is kind of new. And I'm a tad crampy. My cramps are going from the left side, to the right side. Alternating, always starting with the left side. I remember cramping a bit when I was pregnant with Lil Miss Hurricane, but I also "felt" pregnant. I don't feel that way right now.

I'm kind of unsure what to do if my period doesn't start and my blood test is negative.

Ideas, anyone?

12 May, 2008


Still no AF... *shrugging shoulders*
What the heck do I do? Sit and wait? Should I make a call and ask?
Still all negative tests.
I'm now 5 days after AF was "due".

07 May, 2008


All in one day:

I'm supposed to start my period. It's due today, all tests have been negative. Which means Yay, another month of Clomid.

I've been called a "flake". You know what _____? My great Grandmother DIED. And the box that I mailed to my SC after I attended to all that GOT LOST. I told you I would take the hit on making the mistake of not purchasing tracking for it. I have followed through with every other commitment I have made on CC. Infact, YOU were one of my Flop chicks last year. Was your gift not received, late, or undesirable? I think not. I, infact seem to remember throwing in a little something extra, just because. Kiss my ass, I'm not a flake. NOR, did I "flake out" when it came to my SC. I was able to not say anything when you wrote :
"Yes, I know things happen, and sometimes gifts get lost, or life gets in the way."
But, I'm really upset now.
If you KNOW that, then don't label people a "flake".
And, my great grandmother dying was more than "life getting in the way."

My stimulus check has STILL not arrived. And the stupid IRS website is still telling me that I've either entered in the wrong information, or the status is unavailable. Are you kidding me? You can't just leave it at that! Tell me which one it is, so I can either try and fix the supposed "mistake" or I can not worry about that part and just keep checking for an update.

It just seems like it's going to be "one of those days"... so I'm sure I will update this later.

04 May, 2008


I'm fairly certain I'm not pregnant this month. It's the 4th, and the tests are still all negative. I'm taking them in the morning like I'm supposed to, and not overdoing it on my fluids either.
This sucks.

01 May, 2008


Every test so far has been negative. I know it's still a little early to be testing and expecting a "for sure" result, but I'm starting to feel upset.
I don't want to do another month of clomid, it turns me in to a raging bitch.
AF is tentatively due on the 7th...