...

Ryleigh's due for a shot that she's going to get tomorrow, I think since we're there I'm going to go ahead and just ask for a blood pregnancy test.
I'm tired of the disappointment of POAS's, and want to get it off my brain. The last week is always the hardest for me.
Next month is my last month of Clomid, if it doesn't work. I really think I'm done with this whole clusterfuck. Tired of watching others get pregnant, while I just try in vain.
Thanks for always being supportive you guys - it means a lot.

Tick Tock

We're back on the 2WW again. I followed the advice of a friend from my last blog (ty friend!) and went ahead with the Clomid, and just pushed my O day back like she instructed. DH schedule has worked pretty alright with us this month, so we've gotten some good "time" in ;)
If it doesn't work this month, we've just got next month to try-try again.

I really think after this, I will never own a calender again. The harder I try NOT to look at it every day, the MORE I end up looking at it.

*rubs earlobes* Whoooooo-Saaaaaaaahhhwww (you know, like on Bad Boys II)

I'm outta all the pregnancy tests I had too. And I'm not buying anymore. It's adding to the stress. If I'm late.. well, then I'm late and I'll just go in for a blood test. That way I can get that.. um, number. You know, the number.. the one that tells you your pregnancy level.
I can't remember the technical term - be gentle.

Bah!

Started AF, and today is my day to start Clomid again.
Only problem is... today's freakin' Labor Day and the pharmacy is CLOSED?

Will it be worth it to just take it tomorrow? Anyone know...?

*Dust Needed*

As of today we're officially on the 2WW, we need lots of baby dust, and sticky vibes :)
Love you all!

Rawr!

I am Clomid woman, hear me roar! Lol
Back on Clomid. Last pill was.. two nights ago. DH has been doing better this month, than the last month I was on it. I think he knew more of what to expect, as did I.
I'd just tell him when I was having crabby moments, or my headache, or the DAMN hot flashes.
UGH! With this little preview of them, I am NOT looking forward to Menopause. Not one bit!

So, I'm really hoping that this month works, and the baby is awfully sticky. I want to complain in the very near future "Why did I do this?" - and, I will. I was that sick with DD, and I'll get that sick again. I'm trying not to have it stuck in my head, but... it's there.
Hardest way to lose 25 pounds, but hey... kill two birds with one stone so to speak, haha!

On a more serious note, I need to have some of the stress that's going on to STOP. My psychotic SIL will be sentenced this month. On the 15th to be precise. It's really taken a toll on our family. There are so many issues, so much anger, and a LOT of different opinions.
The bottom line though, is that if you harm a child - you deserve to rot in jail. Which she did, and she will.
There is one good thing that has came of this, and that's that I have met a new friend. I'm not going to oust her on here (smile), but she knows who she is. She's a great gal who has done very well with all the things she's had to deal with. She's very fun, sweet, and even better when she drinks ;)

Dreamsheet time is just around the corner, my stomach is in knots, and it hasn't even officially started yet! Our billets have changed, which was to be expected.
DH did not pass the EPME, so he won't be sitting on the servicewide in November.
It's a bummer because it would be nice to have 1st class paychecks, BUT it's going to make it easier and less complicated for us and our dreamsheet. We just have to stick to 2nd class billets.
The thoughts of going LORAN are still weighing heavily on us. If I get pregnant now, it would mean him missing the birth of our 2nd child. I would be near family, and friends - so, I know that I would be alright... but I can't help but think that at that moment the child is born, would we seriously regret our decision.
There are SO many factors that have us thinking about doing this, and the big one is being able to be back in Alaska. We don't necessarily have to take a LORAN to get back up there, but it would be nice to have him take the LORAN for a year, and then *hopefully* be able to slide in to the open DC1 billet in Sitka that will be open in 2010.
Then again, Kodiak is STILL on the list for us. DH has wanted to go there since he joined the CG, and I've always wanted to be there because.. well, who the hell doesn't want to at least SEE Kodiak when you're affiliated with the Coast Guard.
So, Kodiak is definitely an option for us. And, we'd both be more than thrilled to get it.
The other place that's open is Cordova. Now, my Mom tells me that I've been to Cordova - but um, she was pregnant with me, so it doesn't count!! Lol.
I don't know anything about Cordova - so I'm going to start researching that place. I know it's small.. but.. I can deal with small. Not an issue here.
I was sad to see that nthing is open for us (as of now anyways) for WA. It could open up, since we all know THE SITE keeps changing, and will until it's officially open for Dreamsheets.
Warrenton, OR is open for us also. No hurt feelings on that either... I love me some Oregon!

So, that's where were at right now. I need some loves here, because I'm not sure how many more times I can do this Clomid thing. Mucho respect for you gals who have done it for LOOOONG periods of time. I find it's effects absolutely miserable.

We need a baby, and we need it to stick!!

Wellll....

I didn't follow up with my last TTC subject - I've decided to "meet in the middle", so to speak with the Clomid issue.
I have skipped this month, and will take it next month. I am starting to get to the point where I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. The waiting, and the planning, and the scheduling and the watching the calender **gah!!** it's just so stressful.
Maybe it's just not in the "plan" for me to have another child (??) It really saddens me to think about that. It isn't that I'm not appreciative of having DD, because I am - I love that pain in the ass SO much. I just want to experience it again. I was a rare breed who, other than the 4 months of incessant puking due to morning sickness, really enjoyed being pregnant. Labor and delivery hurt like a bitch, but it was something that had/has a HUGE payoff. To see that little being for the first time... ohhh... that feeling. And the process of getting to know them - I want to do all those things all over again.
I want to see DD be a big sister, I want her to have a sibling while growing up, and I want to see DH be a father again. He does SO well with DD, and she is SO enamored with him... I love being able to fall in love all over again with him everyday as he does new things with her.

I'm just tired of my heart breaking. I want to be like "everyone else", who just gets pregnant, and has a baby.

When Answers Just Lead To More Questions...

That's pretty much where I'm at right now. Russ spoke with his detailer a few days ago and got some guidance and questions answered. It's left me with a handful of other questions though.
Beh.
What we do know is that we will be compiling a dreamsheet from 2nd class billets. If (when) he makes 1st (he's on the Nov. Servicewide) we'll be taking the chance on short touring.
Right now, our top two picks are one of the LORAN stations, and Astoria Oregon.

The LORAN is what we talk about the most, since we feel it's a bigger decision that needs to be basically talked to death before we decide a yes, or a no.
The problem - if it really even IS a problem - is that from where we are now, ANYTHING looks good. Just as long as we get the hell OUT.

Doing a LORAN is something we know we're strong enough for, and puts us directly back in teh State that we want to be in. Then again, I fell in love with Astoria when I was on vacation one summer while I was 16. I've always wanted to go back.

I don't think we'll go wrong either way, but I'm one big ball of "I don't know". Just ask Amber, who has to listen to my incessant whining ;) *hugs*

I'm up (down?) for anyone's thoughts here..